Overwhelmed...

I know I already posted today, but sometimes it helps to just let out how you're feeling and right now I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I feel like I have so many thoughts going through my mind that I'm going to explode. I feel like this week the enemy is running my mind because he enjoys when we worry and feel hopeless and that's how I've felt on and off...

The first thing on my mind is the car problems we have been having for a week now. We own 3 cars, and 1 of them is working. We finally had money to buy the part we needed to fix my Jeep and our Camry decided to break down that same day...after a week of dealing with this, we brought a NEW alternator for the Camry and it decided to now start having other issues. They are both old cars (15 years old) and it's coming down to us needing a more reliable vehicle. And since there's 2 of us who have different daily schedules, we need 2 cars, so bottom line, we need a working vehicle. I've been overwhelmed because I don't know about taking on a car note and just the whole process of finding a working car seems daunting...

I've also let my mind wander because my breast mass has gotten bigger. This is so frustrating to me because even though it's benign, it shouldn't be growing. I'm currently waiting for funding from the sponsorship program I am in (with the breast clinic) so that I can have surgery to have the mass removed. What is frustrating is while I'm waiting it's growing, and I'm freaking out that they're going to have to remove even more tissue and then what? I'll have like half a breast? and that scares the life out of me...

Next, I'm freaking out my grad school, which is dumb because it's still a year away but I'm concerned I won't get in to the ONLY program I want and then I start asking myself what if I dont even want to pursue that field? what do I want to do? what job would I like to have if this career path doesn't open for me? why did I pursue a teaching degree when I dont want to teach?  So overall I feel overwhelmed and honestly worthless...I feel like I've wasted 5 years because now that I'm done with school and have a full time job, it's not AT  ALL paying me what a degree should and that's really depressing to me...

Basically this week I feel down trodden, overwhelmed, worthless, slightly hopeless, and my mind is exhausted...I know most of the things in my head are lies that the enemy put there, so anyone who reads this-prayers are greatly appreciated!! I know I serve a faithful, loving God who is our constant provider. He knows my future down to the minute. He knows what I was destined to be, where I'm destined to serve, and I need to REMEMBER that. God is sooooo much bigger than all my worries, but today it felt good to get them out.

-Kate