Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Thoughts on Frienship

Apples of Gold

Today I'm linking up with Becky's blog on the theme of "Let's Be Real". I was drawn to participate because I think sometimes blogging doesn't always allow for "real" expression. I say this because, for me it means there are things I know I can't write about it because someone in my family will read it, tell someone else, and somehow I'll be "in trouble" and it's just not worth that. But sometimes, I think, this is my blog, I can write what I want and you can choose to read it or not...Well, today I want to share what's been on my heart regarding friendship.

Since I moved away from home to relocate/go to college, friendship has been a huge challenge for me. My freshman year I made a bunch of friends but lost them about halfway through the year when my roomate and I had some seriuos fallings out (they were friends with both of us). I also was so focused on my boyfriend (who is now my husband) that I didn't make much priority for anyone else. After my freshman year, I moved to Houston to attend junior college and made "friends" with co-workers, but even then we were just buddies at work. I just stayed wrapped up with my boyfriend and his family most of the time. Next came junior & senior, I made some wonderful friends in the forms of my roommates! They are still my friends today! I wouldn't call us besties, but it's mainly because we live apart now (different cities, different states) and lead very different lives. I did make one good friend in this town and we had a huge falling out during the time I was planning my wedding. About 6 months after getting married we made up, which definitely filled that hole in my heart which longed for a good friend. As time has gone on, I feel like our closeness over the last year and a half has definitely changed. When we get together it's wonderful and everything great and we connect perfectly. But I long for that friendship where we text daily, stay up to date whether we've chatted face to face or not, etc. And right now, that's missing...

I really long for a close close friend or even a group of close girl friends...girls that are maybe in their 20s young and married like myself...maybe that's asking too much? So far these are the factors that have put me in lack of friendship mode:

-work full time and a gym rat, so I get home at 7 wiped out
-I'm terrible at making time for people during the week...or really even the weekend
-we are gone A LOT of weekends visiting family in Houston
-not involved in things that could lead to friendships (where on earth do you get involved?)
-we go to a VERY small church (the only girls there are young college girls, or older than me and some married with kids)

I also have come to the reality that I'm not a great friend. I even saw my bestie when I was home a few weeks ago and didn't make much time for her (I was soaking up my family time!). I see people having blates all the time, and it totally makes me jealous how some people have gained these great blog friendships and I haven't...I get discouarged sometimes, but I know God brings people in and out of your life at the right times...I just desire close girl friends that I can connect with, workout with, watch movies with, craft with, something...is that too much to ask?



  1. I feel the same way you do. A lot of friendships got lost once i got married, but it's all about being intentional. The best advise i've ever heard is "In order to have a friend, you must be a friend" I always try to go by this so i reach out to people a lot, the way i would like for them to do to me!

  2. I know how you feel! I had good friends while growing up and had some nice friendships throughout my teen years and early twenties, but I can't say I had REAL DEAL friends until I moved out here to live with my husband in California. I currently have a very different issue than you do...I have a whole lot of women wanting to hang out but I'm not as much of an extrovert as they think I am. I prefer having a few very close friends rather than having a large circle of not-so-close friends.
    Thank you for linking up! =)
    I do invest in deep friendship time with a couple of women, but I'm still feeling my way through the whole friendship thing. I'm not so sure I'm great at it. You've given me yet another thing to add to my list of "I need to have a serious talk with God about this" topics. lol.

  3. If you ever want to hang out, I'm in this town all by myself. ;) Most of my time is spent blogging/reading/crafting/tv watching. :)
    I know what you mean. I've got some good friends but they don't live anywhere close by and the ones that do live close have extremely busy lives (kids) and it's hard to just hang out with them without their kids being around. So, I typically focus on my hubby or just be cool by myself. I recently read MWF (Married White Female) Seeking BFF. It's about a girl's journey trying to find new best friends in a new town (Chicago). It was a great read...although I don't think I have that kind of gumption. lol

  4. I saw your blog on the let's get real link up. I'm so glad I did! It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. But I'm sorry you are at the same time!
    I got married this last summer, so I spent almost all of my time with my this year. Right after we got married we moved to Idaho, where his family lives. It's so hard for me sometimes because he has friends up here, and he somehow makes friends. I haven't made any! I get so lonely. Sometimes you just need a girl to chat with and do things with.
    I recently have tried to get my blog out there more and make blogging friends, but haven't seemed to be able to.
    Good luck! I'm now following you, so we just might be able to be blogging friends. :)

  5. Hi there...found you at let's get real..though I've a bunch of great friends but still sometimes miss that one friend whom we call bestie...I'm not in the age group as yours,married to a wonderful person and I do have kids too...but still want that bestie girlfriend...
    I hope we will be friends in this blogging world..

  6. Yes, yes and yes.
    Totally relate to everything you have said. Friendship is such a challenging, awkward thing, especially as you get older and you are much more concerned about what people think of you, right? I don't really have any good advice to offer as this is something that I struggle with too... but all I can say is that sometimes you have to put yourself out there, take a chance on people, get a little uncomfortable! It's not too much to ask to want to have friends. I guess we just need to be more intentional, as Mariel said above.

  7. i completely know how you feel. The older you get the more complicated the whole friend thing becomes. Being an army wife we move around alot. We recently moved to a new town where my husband was gone for the first month. I went crazy sittng in the house and realized i HAD to do something about it. When i finally met some of the wives I would literally say hi i am liz can i have your number! (not my personality at all) but after a couple of really awkward lunches that felt more like dates.. i have found a couple of good friends to get me through this year. Love the honest post. Goodluck with your journey!

  8. Thank you ladies for all of your comments and encouragement! It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling the challenge of adult friendships! Anna, my sister in laws are Army wives, as well as some dear friends I can totally understand the challenges you face! Good luck on your journey too!